It's unfortunate that our first borns all have to endure us rookie moms learning how to be 'good' mothers on them. Oh the trauma!!! (for both us AND them!!)
The update on my earlier post is this: (care of my annoyingly perceptive husband/counselor) When i hit bottom with nothing left in the tank, i go into survival mode, for me means shutting down - being there physically, but not emotionally - i come by this honestly from my own childhood and my memories of relationships with my own folks - don't get me wrong - i know everyone does the best they can (and they are great parents) -but i can honestly say that when i have nothing left - i check out. So-isaac has been sick and totally acting out.....even at 9:30 tonight he was howling for yogurt and chris could not get him to calm down....i was so done listening to his demands -- so, i was still fuming in the computer room and glaring at isaac through the walls, Chris comes in and we have a talk on how my 'attitude' affects Isaac. Hard to hear, especially since i am doing the best i can.....his perceptions were quite right on - and he left me to my own decision - but i went into isaacs room and had a talk and a cuddle (though i TOTALLY didn't want to) and at the end, i left, and he fell into a peaceful sleep. I guess we both needed to be diffused.
The effect that i have on him is probably more than i could understand...but it was a lesson for me. I also realized that we are both first borns and i think we will have many head to heads - and apparently since i am the adult, i will have to be the bigger person to diffuse situations in the future.
