Without Mark as my boss, work just doesn't seem to have a heart anymore.... Many of the requests that need a yes get a no, and many of the things that are stable for now but caregiver feels that more money is needed and they say they'll go to the media, get a yes.
Feeling more and more just like a button pusher every day..... But don't get me wrong, I'm quite thankful for a job.... But even more thankful it's only part-time.
These days when I get home from work, I find myself just laying around. Trying to get my mind back to clarity, wrapping around what's happening in my community. There is nobody around who knows what is happening at work which leaves me sometimes feeling pretty alone in dealing. This was my view on Monday after work! I laid in the sun .... I love summer.
The quietness doesn't often last long!
But it's a good stage ... These boys are awesome and becoming so self sufficient and fun to be around. Too bad we don't see Chris. We miss him a lot. He is working from 6am til 10:30pm these days .... Hard worker .... And he is dealing with his own issues at work, just like I am dealing with mine. He isn't given the right tools to do efficient work so he has to do long hours of labor that could be done so much faster if he had, or was able to rent, the right equipment. In the end, this has really translated to us not seeing him at all this month. And it gets us both so angry in our soul when we think about it, which leads us to not thinking about it very often. The one thing that I love and appreciate and admire about Chris, is his ability to do the work and continue to still whistle in the shower before work. But last week, we were sitting together and I told him that when I stop hearing him whistle and this really starts to affect him more, all this extra labor and mental conversations he isn't allowed to have with key people who make his job harder, (board members, not Andy), we need to leave and I will work harder in my job so that he can find something else. He had a quick freak out on Wednesday, that didn't last long, but I could tell that he is concerned about his program for the campers. Because of all the work on property he's been finalizing, he hasn't had any time to work on the details of his games. I can't imagine having his job, but he always pulls it together and makes things so amazing. I wonder what this place will do after he leaves as his thoughts and ideas for games and the intricacies of it all will be hard to replicate. But this pace isn't sustainable for anyone. Last night, as he was falling asleep, he said he would just love a day off. ("So take one!!!" I scream in my head, but I just rubbed his back and let him fall asleep, knowing he wouldn't).
