As I walked down the dock towards the float plane, I took out my phone to snap a shot of the scene I didn't want to forget....and all I was thinking was "This doesn't get old".......
I wasn't able to go to this training with my other colleagues last year because it's only offered once a year, and last year, it was offered in December, while I was in Maui. So I felt pretty lucky when it came up this month and I was able to go at a very appropriate time as I am in the midst of dealing with a difficult situation with an agency. The training was very timely since I could envision real life situations during the course.
I arrived on the monday morning and was lucky enough to be able to meet up with Trish and Addison....such a lovely baby. Trish and I had a nice visit and then I hit the movie theatre across the street to see Gravity...and loved it!!! Gina came over for the evening and we ended up laying on the bed for awhile just chatting and probably could have stayed there all night, but we got moving and went for sushi. It was a nice day.....went to bed early to get ready for training.
I met all the girls downstairs just before 8 and we all piled into cabs that took us to the Justice Institute.
The sessions were pretty interesting though much of it was just a reminder of how to deal with difficult people. The picture below is Lisa holding up our drawing that went along with our dialogue with setting the stage to negotiate (yes, there are phases that lead to a strong outcome)---but muchof it is such 'counsel'ese'--you know the tone "can i get you some coffee? are you comfortable? we agreed to an hour to talk about this issue, does this still work for you?" kind of stuff. At one point during one of our role plays, we were setting the stage as the skilled negotiator, and the woman playing the agency director did such a good job at being difficult, that it got me so angry to how nice we were treating her to make sure she was 'comfortable, etc', when it became so apparent that she did NOT want to be in a collaborating relationship, that I sort of lashed out at the instructor asking 'how LONG do we have to be nice when we realize we aren't dealing with someone who is rational and wants to work things out like we do? It's hard to do this dance when your partner won't get out of her chair and she is blowing smoke in your face from her cigarette' type of attitude." {you can see I was in a very 'real scenerio' frame of mind because I could see this playing out}.....well, he sat down beside me and thought for a minute because he could see I was frustrated. A few things he told me: If you launch right into the directive type of conflict resolution, you have a lower chance of success because she will continue to be on the defence and you won't get anywhere. You go as far as you can and if you still can't get her to come alongside you and she becomes stuck in her position, then you will need to back away with tact and give her room but if the situation needs to be resolved in a timely manner, let her know that if she is unwilling to work alongside you, then you are left with no choice but to find another route to get the answers that you are looking for. Open, upfront, honest.....I am not sure if I feel any more prepared to be dealing with this difficult person, but there is much on the line and nobody else seems too concerned...and I wonder if its because I am still relatively new and feel like I can change things and the others know that things won't change.....time will tell. But Lisa {below} used to be the homeshare coordinator for said agency, so we had many discussions over our time away, and I know much much more than I did before....which may not be a good thing. But the last thing she left me with was this: 'I don't think she {the agency director}, is inherently bad, I don't think anyone is inherently bad, but a product of their experiences and history and when you work in an environment where everyone hates you, you become difficult and hard to deal with solely based on self-preservation." So, though I was given much information, I was also reminded that she is a broken woman who needs grace, and I will always be respectful towards her, but at the end of the day, my job is to protect and help serve the most vulnerable people in my community and make sure they are safe.....so if I can stay focused on that.....perhaps that was a good outcome of this weeks training.
{above picture: we are in a sailboat with difficult people and situations, and we are not in a motorboat that can speed right to the finish in a straight line....to reach the end, we are in a sailboat that has to tack back and forth, sometimes for a very long time, to get to our destination.....the waters are rough, we won't get there quickly because we are emotional beings with experiences and opinions and perceptions that we pull from based on what has formed them as we have grown up. So, we have to go back and forth, listening to what the other has to say. One of the major challenges for me in this training was shutting my brain off and really listening to what my partner was saying to me, enstead of thinking of the response even before they were done talking.....its hard. really hard....I am a problem solver, and solving based on my own opinions and experiences....shut up and listen, really listen...wait til they are done talking, and then it will be your turn to 'tack'.....its a very hard skill to master....but its how one gets the full picture...by being really curious about what they are trying to tell you.
After class, I went out for greek food with a bunch of the girls......and then they all went back to their room, and I wasn't ready to head in.....so I walked around on my own.....I guess reflecting on the days information.
I got some eye drops for my super sore eyes, and chocolate marshmallows for dessert.....chatted with the boys, my sister, chris ..... got all caught up....and then just walked....I love the city...such a different animal than where I am from.
When it got too dark, I went back to the hotel and headed to the lounge. I watched the hockey game a little, Christie texted me to tell me that her house just sold......talked to the boys a little more.....the guy in front of me in the picture here was having a birthday....after seeing his cake, I ordered it too.....
I loved the entrance to the hotel......
Here we are in class.....one of the girls put the instructor on the spot saying 'it would be nice to see a negotiation in process taking into account all the phases so we could see what it looks like being done by professionals'.....its was entertaining to see the teachers get a little awkward, seems everyone gets a little stage fright when put on the spot. But it was good to see the stages of negotiations.....it really is an art.
After class, it was time to fly home.
Highlight of the day was being told I could sit with the pilot.......
I didn't want to seem like a know-it-all, but I almost pointed out that we were out of gas. I figured I would point it out later if we started going down.......
