I knew this past tuesday that you were in for heartbreak soon. Amanda and I were looking into the window and saw CJ sitting on Dylans shoulder. He was happy as could be with this sweet little bird sitting so nice with him, but I knew something was wrong. This whole week, I have had a rock in my gut knowing that your friend was about to leave you. The girl you would race to put on your shoulder once you got home.....once you got up in the morning....you both have had a special bond since she got here last year. When the yelling got to be too much for this mom, I passed the birds to Spencers house for a little while for a break this past month. You weren't too concerned at first...but after a few weeks, you made it known that you missed her, and so I immediately brought them back home for you. With the idea we would transition them outside, things looked good. But only a few days after she was home from Spencers, she started to look too fluffy, too quiet......I hoped all week that I was wrong, but my gut told me I wasn't.
I came home early yesturday and cuddled her all afternoon....and when I checked her at midnight, she was on the floor of her cage, but at 3am, she was back on her perch, so I took that as a good sign.
But at 6 when I checked on her again, I knew something was off. I picked her up...she was light. I held her close and came to your room to get you. I woke you up and told you to come to our bed and that CJ was getting ready to go.
We cuddled her and talked about her....we cried. Dad came in while we were holding her and he held you and let you cry your quiet tears. We suggested that you have a hot bath while isaac and I stayed in bed with CJ. While you were in that bath, CJ opened her eyes and started to jump and try to fly! (it scared your brother, but I just spoke quietly and said 'its ok CJ, its ok')....and then....she was gone. She flew away.
It was a rough morning, the pain comes and will continue to come in waves. Here we are arriving at school and you writing how many days left of school....but then a wave hit you...
And you found a safe spot to grieve for a few minutes....
Julie Marie is so lovely....she came down and told you that she was going to tell your friends about CJ since they had all met her as well, and loved her and wanted to be sensitive to you today....
The teachers handed me a muffin this morning, and I passed it to you....this made you happy.
When I contemplated taking you home, I was unsure how you would do, Olivers dad surprised the class by showing us the little baby bear they were re-locating that morning!!! You were distracted quite well and I stayed with you.
After we got back to the school, I asked Cristin if she needed help delivering pizza for your school pizza lunch....so I went to Panago and picked up a bunch of pizzas and then I worked with the moms to deliver them all to your class and your brothers class.....
You decided to help.....so did Olivia and Sabrina....we had fun .. you delivered the pizza slices to your friends spots, while the girls helped with the drinks and fruit cups!
It appeared to be a good school day for you, you waved me good bye after lunch and now I sit in Starbucks typing this out for you to remember this brutal day. I still have a heaviness in my gut for you my sweet boy...for the bird, but mostly for your first loss.....and also remembering the loss of my own TJ when I was younger.
This mornings story was telling you about my bird TJ...and you looked up at me and said 'YOU had a bird named TJ?' I relayed the day we brought the girls home, I said to you "Hey Elliot, do you want to name the bird TJ?" (Because she looked exactly like my TJ when I was younger), and you said "I LOVE the name CJ!!"....so we went with that. And you really laughed at this story this morning......
